I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
