I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
