New low: just hacked my moms facebook
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
