i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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