Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
