how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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