I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
