Why does Corona taste like a burp?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
