Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i drank out of a bidet.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
