me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
