he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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