Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
