my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
