My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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