..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize