My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
