I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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