all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
