I cockslap morals
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
