what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
