So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Alive.
So much puke
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
