I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize