why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
