I hate your face
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is Oprah even human
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize