My hand turned me down
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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