Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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