Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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