Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize