so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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