i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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