I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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