I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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