If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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