i permit you to call me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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