Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
