So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
