I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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