Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my liver is dry heaving
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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