WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
