Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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