Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
