grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize