Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
