What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
