the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
