Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
