so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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