What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
