Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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