We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
