i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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