So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
