I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
