Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
