What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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