my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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