Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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