last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
