A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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