Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im part way to drunk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
