I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
