4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
