your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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