Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
