I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
