Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
