looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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