It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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