when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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