So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
